Strange Family get together

So I have been sitting here thinking that my family must be the weirdest family in the world. Our parents never taught us to have relationships with each other, or to communicate. It has often bothered me as I have grown up how I am the youngest of 10 kids and don't really have a relationship with any of them. It really really puzzles me. I have a handful, that I get a long with, and talk with, but I wouldn't exactly call it a relationship.
What is it that causes everyone to act so strange? My brother Dan claims that we were beaten as children and that is why he does not like big families or ours. I don't know about that. As I was the youngest, maybe my knowledge of that was sheilded a little bit. Some say that Dad used to stand us in a line and slap each one of us. I don't remember that. Maybe that is why the older siblings hate me so much. Maybe they hold a grudge to me that I didn't experience the same things they did. I know it was a lot easier on me than them, Dad did have a temper that seemed to calm over the years, I remember certain things, but choose not to have that be a constant memory...
So the thing that is bugging me that has been on my mind constantly this week is how my family just does not communicate. So everyone was planning on coming home to my mom's for the rodeo weekend, but no one could communicate to anyone except my mom. So everyone is always calling mom and asking about everyone else, and my mom withholds information to try and please everyone, but sometimes goes over board. It is almost like she doesn't want anyone in the family to be friends with each other, only with her.
There are siblings that don't have any contact, like Ruth who has been "hiding" from the family for the past 10 years, Mary who I never knew, she moved away when I was 2 and I have never spoken with her in 31 years. Danny who is anti-mormon so he stays away from home and mocks everyone and everything they believe in. But the others I always thought I could have a relationship with, but not so sure any more. Mike has never really had a conversation with me. I look up to him more than he would ever come to know, because he doesn't ever get close enough that I would ever tell. Liz used to be close to me, but over the past few years has just become weird. She doesnt talk to me, she doesnt want to do anything with me. She goes out of her way to make my sisters in law her best friends, but never ever shows any interest in a relationship with me. I always thought she was my best friend. She was the one that tended me, that I went to, that I relied on. But I don't see her ever being my friend again. I cant take the dishonesty and the gossip behind my back. I cant help but notice what a big deal she makes out of Denice and Irene and how everyone else is not good enough. I get a long with Becky and Julie, I wish I had more time to just build relationships with them, although I do tend to think sometimes that if I did get closer to them, if they knew me at all then they would be more likely to cut me off like the others have. I used to be best friends with Rachel, but when I went on my mission she left and never wrote and when I came back she was living in Texas and wouldnt talk to me. It has been a long time, and now at least we are talking again. The thing I treasure about her is that she has never been mean to me, and as far as I know she hasnt ever talked about me behind my back. And I have never had a relationship with Sam. He was a lot nicer this time, I think it was the first time that he visited that he hadn't called me a fat ass or a fat lard or a stupid shit or many other uplifting things. I wondered if my mom had said something to him.
Well, the weekend was not good. Liz showed up first, my mom didnt even tell me she was coming. They showed up on my doorstep, like a courtesy call, almost like that is all you get, so enjoy the 5 minutes that we are sitting here talking to you. Dan and I had planned Saturday at Bear Lake 2 weeks ago, but my mom didn't bother telling them. So Liz had other plans. I was surprised that my mom just sat there and acted like she didn't know anything that was going on. My nephew DJ who I have always felt close to greeted me with"what are you doing here Ugly?" It shocked me. Mike hugged me half way when he saw me, but Irene hardly looked up from her computer. Valerie and Britany were excited to see me so that was nice. Liz took my kids to the sidewalk sales, but didn't invite me, and then didnt let them get anything, even though I had sent money with them. I didnt get a chance to talk with Becky much, she seems to be the most normal along with Julie as far as staying clear of the BS that goes on.
Sam and Denise of course didnt greet me, neither did Adam, DJ or Katie. Although we invited everyone over on Friday to do slip and slide at our house on the hill, and that was the first time I saw them, they didnt say anything. The whole family came over, and not a single person said thanks, or it was fun or anything. THey hardly would even have a conversation with me.
Living here in town is hard too . My mom and dad complain about us behind our backs to the other siblings, but then when I hear about it and confront them about it they call me stupid or irrational. I am so tired of it right now!
So long story short, I didnt even get a chance to visit with anyone, everyone was rude. They all went to RIverdale instead of coming to BEar Lake with us. They all went to the carnival together and didn't invite us, when I showed up to "visit" they were all gone. They all acted like we were a huge bother to them and that when we were there we were in the way. A lot of them kept yelling at the kids and acting like they were so obnoxious.
Julie was mad at me cuz Dan had his sister in town too. I felt like I was split. Julie had her friend with her too, so I didnt get to do my anual Friday night date to the carnival with her. Oh well. It is all such a sob story. But it has got me thinking.
I must be some sort of a freak! I don't think there is a single person in the world that I could say I have made a positive impact on. And I am feeling like if I were wiped off the face of the earth right now, the wind would blow a little, and someone might shiver for a second and then life would go on and no one would even notice.
It has made me come to hate....to hate my family, to hate my siblings, to hate my siblings in law, and to hate my parents. I hate the way we all fail to interact. I hate the way there is always a huge elephant in the room because they gossip so much! I hate the way there is no one left out of all 10 of us that I can tell it to, I hate my dad's belittling attitude to me and my kids when everyone is around. He becomes a different person, it makes me want to NOT know them. It is like his familiarity gives him license to be rude and belittling.
This is all pointless and just complaining, but I needed a vent.
I just need a communications class for my family!
If I ever even tried to tell them how they make me feel they would just call me names and tell me I was stupid. So I won't. I am tired of this feeling though, it seems like it gets like this and I have to wait for it to wear off, only thing is that the more I feel this way, the longer it takes to get past it. I wish a lot of times that we could move away from here. I dont blame Ruth sometimes, for not wanting contact. Why would I want to subject myself to that? What a horrible weekend. It was very fun to see everyone, and we had more people together than we have had in a long time, but it was not a nice visit. It was just a huge reminder that all around me in my life I am surrounded by these people that I admire, that couldn't give a care whether I was dead or alive.
What is wrong with me?